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A Quick Guide To All Things Marriage

How long is too long to wait before getting married?

 

 A lot of couples have been in relationships for years. Things may feel so right, so comfortable and almost like you're married minus the ring and sharing the same last name.

Are people dating with the intention to get married anymore?
In a relationship, you discuss your future with one another and you plan to move forward together.  Some of those discussions include marriage, and children. The conversations excite you but the question WHEN may stress you.

       

Millennials are now focusing on careers, getting out of student loan debt and building wealth so marriage isn't necessarily taking top priority. 30 years ago, nearly 95% of women had already tied the knot by the age of 31. You were much more likely to be married by the age 24 in 1970, now most people are waiting until after that age. Times and circumstances have changed.

 

You found THE ONE, but you're just chillin for a while? If you feel like you’ve found your match, it’s up to you to discuss with your partner the “ideal” amount of time you are both comfortable waiting before taking that next big step.

 

        Every relationship has it's own journey and you can't force something into being what it isn't. However, you also have to be honest with yourself and your partner about your expectations and time frames so you both are on the same page. Time is one of our MOST valuable assets. We live in a world of vision boards, and planners, for crying out loud. Nothing is better than clarity.

 

There is nothing wrong with being honest, open and direct with respect when it comes to discussing major life decisions. As we mature and get wiser leveling up on our communication skills is an important key to growth. We should never be giving anyone an Ultimatum. Healthy communication will help determine what is worth the wait and what may require compromising. Marriage isn't a topic couples should tip toe around. It's a beautiful thing. It's not something that should be rushed but it isn't something that should be avoided.
 

Some marital experts would argue that two years is a good amount of time to wait. It doesn't matter whether you waited five years or five months to get married. The most important part is that you're confidently committed to one another.

VOW OR NEVER

21 Reasons Why Marriage Is Amazing

1.       A spouse challenges you to be the best you can be.

2.       A spouse is your personal cheerleader to help you

          reach goals.

3.       You get to grow old with someone.

4.       The longer you’re together the sex gets better.

5.       You learn to compromise and mature.

6.       Your spouse really KNOWS you.

7.       You have someone to share your dreams with.

8.       You’re each other’s biggest fan.

9.       You can say whatever is on your mind.

10.   You have a teammate to tackle this game called LIFE.

11.   It’s a slumber party every night.

12.   You are a family.

13.   Marriage Increases your Earning Power.

14.   Marriage makes men become better men.

15.   You become more comfortable in your own skin.

16.   You make new traditions.

17.   Your children will be influenced by the love and affection

        of your marriage.

18.   You feel at peace and content.

19.   You get to experience true intimacy rather than just sex.

20.   Dating isn’t occasionally, you go on dates with your mate      

all  

the time.

21.   You always know your spouse has your back.

WORK SPOUSES?

A new Thing I’ve noticed lately is co-workers referring to other co-workers they may spend a lot of time with as their Work Husband Or Work Wife. I get it, but I’m not a fan of it. “Work spouse” is a phrase, mostly in American English, referring to a co-worker, usually of the opposite sex, with whom one shares a special relationship, having bonds similar to those of a marriage. A “work spouse” is also referred to as “workplace spouse”, “work wife”, or “office husband”.

At what point is the term “Work Spouse”  considered disrespectful. I understand it may start as a lighthearted term but is it a term you say freely around your actual husband or wife when talking about your day at work? If you are referring to someone as your work spouse, your husband/wife should at least  know about it.
 
Work spouse relationships subtly evolve into emotional affairs by meeting basic human needs. Sharing inside jokes, understanding eachothers work frustrations, going to meetings together and Grabbing lunch aren’t threatening but their are situations where an “Office Spouse” meets emotional needs that some may lack with their spouse at home. An office spouse relationship in that case can be detrimental to your marriage and subsequently up pops a thin line between friendship and adultery.

 

The average full time employee is in the office  Monday through Friday, in some jobs you’re in the office 40, 50 or even 60+ hours a week. You discuss your life, family, go out for lunch or sometimes even out for happy hour with your work spouse. There’s an intimacy between you … yet you’re not intimate.

If you have a spouse at home and you value you them like no other, how is it easy to refer to someone else as your wife or husband. Despite the word Work being in front of Wife or Husband their should still be no comparison close enough to the value of your actual spouse. If it is you have some work to do.
 

FORGIVENESS

How important is forgiveness?
FORGIVE:
to stop feeling anger toward someone who has done something wrong
: to stop blaming someone
: to stop feeling anger about something
: to forgive someone for something wrong

When you say you forgive someone do you truly forgive them by practicing ALL of the characters forgiveness is defined by or do you call yourself forgiving them by giving off a more peaceful vibe momentarily.

Do you act like Elsa from the movie Frozen and genuinely  "LET IT GO!!!" or do you keep what the other person did in the back of your mind to throw up in an argument on another occasion?

Forgiveness is the key to progression. No one is perfect so therefore there are marriages with imperfections. The truth is every marriage experiences pain or heartache, so do we all just give up right there? Do we just wipe our hands clean, pull out the divorce papers, and never speak or  forgive them because their imperfections were worse than yours?

When I got married my husband and I went through a rough time. Being a newlywed you may not be sure what avenue to take, You're new in the game and just want to have it ALL together. But if you don't, what do you do? These days Divorce is the first option many people consider when they're hurt, angry and confused. Divorce popping in your head before the thought of prayer is the devils plan. My husband and I had marital counseling before we got married, after we were married and still go. Our marriage counselor is our pastor so when we experienced challenges my husband called our pastor so we could fall on the word instead of the world.
We had to learn as a married couple that we have to rise above the devil, The devil saw we were young, married and following God's word. Attacking our marriage was his way of throwing us off of our path. He wanted to break us, He wanted us to give up. He definitely didn't want us to work out our problems, and us contemplating forgiveness never crossed the devils mind. We were new in the game.  The devil wanted to destroy us and if he didn't he wanted to plant seeds so we wouldn't grow positively. I am thankful that we prayed over our marriage. Instead of walking away we walked together. Instead of going to friends or social media  we went to our Pastor. Instead of throwing rocks at each other we forgave.

We realized there would be no room for bitterness if we choose forgiveness and growth. Bitterness would kill our marriage. We had to heal and eliminate resentment if we were choosing to forgive and grow.
Forgiveness may not be easy but having an unforgiving spirit is keeping your heart in prison. We chose forgiveness, we chose to grow, we chose to love, learn and live better. Forgiveness is so important in marriage, it is the key to having a healthy marriage! It is the key to growth. Growth is a decision. Whoever said marriage is easy isn't setting you up for success, it takes work and effort. Learn to genuinely forgive so your heart can be free and you will grow.

ROMANCE


   Making time for romance in a marriage is very important. It's easy for spouses to get lost in routine with every day schedules, kids, work or  just being tired. Romance isn't all about sex. Even though sex is also very important in a marriage, that'll be a blog for another day couples!!!
   Romance is important because it helps build a connection with your spouse that can be felt anywhere. Simple things like giving your wife a foot rub while she's reading her book and you're watching a basketball game keeps the two of you connected. See, she's not interested in the game but that foot rub will keep her near by so you guys spend that time together.
    Cooking a nice meal and having dinner by candle light during the week along with some soothing music over good conversation with your spouse is good as well. Once again you're strengthening that connection. Putting  down the phones when you and your spouse are alone is Super romantic, it gives you time to talk, relate and focus on one another.
    Taking showers with one another is an amazing way to keep the romance alive. If your mate is heading in, why not follow them. Now that's a good routine to start. Getting close and personal is an awesome way to keep that flame burning.
    Going on a romantic getaway out of the blue is a nice way to refresh after a rough week. You or your spouse may have stressful times here and there with work, the kids, or just life.  A nice trip for a few days is a great way to get back on track and crush the upcoming weeks ahead. It doesn't have to be a trip that you spend most of the time driving to get to, just somewhere AWAY where you both can relax. Romance is all about strengthening that connection, breaking routines, and making sure the attraction is obvious. Sometimes the simplest romantic guestures can change your spouse's whole day. A simple call to see how their day is going at work or taking them on a lunch date during the week are both simple ways you can keep the romance alive.

TUNNEL VISION

 You just need the type of mate that's patient with you and you're patient with them. You have to be the type of couple that says EFF what everyone else is doing, EFF what everyone else is saying WE'RE ONLY FOCUSED ON US! 
  
   We live in a society that thinks you're supposed to hit certain points in your life by certain ages. That same society tries to keep married couples all on the same path. They say you need to get married and aspire for all the goals thereafter that the "typical married couples" dream to accomplish. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

  The playbook
for destruction is trying to keep up with the next couple or letting society guide your life.  It will leave your future stagnant and could even cause depression. I see so many people get consumed with scrolling through the internet and not even realizing the changes in their emotions just by comparing what's going on in someone else's life to their own. Don't worry about what Johnny brought Sally for Valentine's Day just so you can make sure your husband gets you something better. If you do you're opening the door to someone else detemining what makes you happy.

   Who says that just because The Smith's are ready to have kids, The Williams need to make that their next step? As a matter of fact, who cares who says that?! Be concerned with being the best version of yourself instead of a better version of someone else.

   The world is filled with so many different people with unique personalities, backgrounds and outlooks on life. So tell me why so many people believe keeping up with "The Joneses" defines a successful marriage. Tell me why so many people think you're not "happy" unless you're posting it on social media and announcing every accomplishment to the world?
   Who made these rules? Who brainwashed people into thinking someone else can define YOUR happiness. Once again who cares who made these rules, be the husband and wife that makes their own playbook and lives life amazingly for the honest, pure joy you feel just by being in your mates company. If you don't have that alone, nothing else matters.
   Marriage is between 2 people and those 2 people must communicate to ultimately break down what they want to do so they grow together, and have a successful long lasting marriage.

You are Married Plus Winning, YOU define it and then you OWN it. Don't let society guide your life. Talk to your spouse.


GET TUNNEL VISION AND FOCUS ONLY ON YOUR MARRIAGE.